When Paul wrote to the Corinthians, he did not write to a modest culture.
Corinth was morally chaotic. Sexual immorality was normalized, spiritualized, and commercialized. Self-control was not fashionable.
And yet Paul wrote:
“But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Corinthians 7:9
He did not conform to the current culture. He faced the normalization of sin head-on, and not only said, “this is wrong,” he provided a solution.
That same normalization is part of our culture.
The Question Beneath the Question
When people ask whether sexual purity is “realistic,” they are rarely asking about biology. They are asking whether obedience is practical. We live in a culture where:
- Sexual compatibility is treated as a prerequisite to commitment.
- Cohabitation is considered responsible.
- Waiting is viewed as repression.
- Desire is framed as entitlement.
So when a couple chooses abstinence, the reaction is often not curiosity. Instead, what you get are the kind of questions like:
Is that even sustainable?
Is that even necessary?
Doesn’t love justify intimacy?
How will you know if you’re compatible?
Interestingly, those are not new questions. In fact, Ecclesiastes tells us that, “There’s nothing new under the sun.”
Passion Is Not Sin
Scripture does not treat sexual desire as shameful. God created it. Genesis 2 presents union as a gift. The Song of Solomon celebrates attraction and sexual fulfillment. Marriage is described as honorable and the marriage bed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4).
The issue is not desire. The issue is context.
Fire in a fireplace warms a home.
Fire outside its boundary consumes it.
The covenant of marriage gives desire its proper place.
What Makes Sex Holy?
This is where the modern mind often stumbles.
If two people love each other, are committed, and intend to marry , then why should a legal document matter? The question assumes that marriage is primarily a civil contract. Biblically, it is covenant.
A covenant is:
- Public.
- Binding.
- Witnessed.
- Accountable before God.
It is not merely emotional commitment. It is declared, vowed, and entered into before witnesses.
In Scripture, physical union reflects covenant reality. When the physical precedes the covenant, something is inverted. Not because passion is evil. But because our God is a God of order, and order matters.
Self-Control Is a Fruit, Not a Personality Trait
One of the quiet assumptions in the modern dating world is this:
“If we’re strongly attracted to each other, abstinence is unrealistic.”
But self-control is not about personality strength. It is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23). Which means it is cultivated in surrender, not willpower alone. Waiting does not prove someone is unemotional. It proves they are willing to subordinate desire to obedience. That is not repression or backwards thinking. It is obedience and maturity.
“But Is It Actually Possible?”That may be the most honest version of the question.
Yes, culture has shifted. Access has changed. Temptation is amplified. But, temptation is not new.
Corinth was not digitally connected, but it was immorally saturated. However, Paul did not tell believers to lower the bar. He told them to live differently.
Why This Matters in Story
In Black Belt, White Dress, Travis and Traci have been together for over two years. They love each other deeply. They are physically attracted to each other. And yet they choose restraint.
Not because they lacked opportunity. They are adults who lived alone, so it would have been very easy to just give in to temptation and be done with it. Yet, despite the want and access, they chose not to.
Not because they lacked desire. But because they believed covenant should precede consummation. Their struggle is not portrayed as effortless. It is portrayed as intentional.
Fiction allows us to examine these tensions at a safe distance. Through characters, we can explore what conviction looks like when tested.
Never to shame.
Never to idealize.
But to ask ourselves whether obedience still matters when culture says it does not.
A Final Reflection
The deeper question is not whether abstinence is realistic. It is whether we trust that God’s design for sexuality is protective rather than restrictive. Scripture does not frame sexual boundaries as deprivation.It frames them as wisdom. And wisdom is rarely loud — but it endures.
If you’re wrestling with what sexual integrity looks like in a dating relationship, you’re not alone. These are not theoretical questions. They are lived ones. And sometimes fiction gives us space to examine our convictions without defensiveness. If you’re interested in seeing how this tension unfolds in story form, Black Belt, White Dress explores love, desire, covenant, and the cost of obedience in a modern world.
Black Belt, White Dress
Deputy Sheriff and full time tomboy Traci Winston agrees to marry Taekwondo Master Travis Seaver, provided they exchange vows at 2000 feet while skydiving over the Grand Canyon. However, Traci’s mother has more conventional plans, and she finds herself trying on dresses and planning an elaborate ceremony in their hometown church complete with butterflies and cummerbunds. Can Traci manage to smile while walking down the aisle? Or will she collapse under the weight of girly ribbons and bows?
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Ebook ISBN: 978-1-68190-156-5
Paperback ISBN: 978-1-68190-157-2
Hardback ISBN: 978-1-68190-159-6
Audiobook ISBN: 978-1-68190-158-9
